Darkest Before Dawn

I was talking to one of my fathers-in-law a while back about raising triplets and he ended the conversation by saying, “Kristi, it ain’t easy being easy.” It is so true! People often comment on how easy I make being a mom look, what a wonderful praise. But what I don’t think people realize is that “easy” comes with a good deal of frustration, sadness, irritation, and some self pity.

I’ve said before the age of three has not been the greatest. I’m ready to get into why. Let me preface by saying, I understand the age of three has many facets to it and their little brains are working at warp speed to process all of their emotional, cognitive and social developments. It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that.

I feel like the day after LAL’s third birthday shit hit the fan. Suddenly, most everything is a fight. Simple tasks and requests are met with a resounding no. I’m sure part of it is their way of testing the waters to see how far I will bend before I break. I think they’ve realized they have me outnumbered. Frustration.

Who knows where my patience has gone because I’ve never yelled so much. Even with consciously making an effort not to, I lose my cool. Oh and it doesn’t make a difference if I raise my voice because Lily tells me I shouldn’t be yelling, Audrey laughs and Liam covers his ears and says, “too loud.” None of those reactions get me the desired outcome I’m looking for. Really it just makes me feel badly. I know there’s a better way but it tends to not be available when I need it. Sadness.

Their ears don’t work. There will be times they are doing something they surely know they shouldn’t be so I’ll ask them to refrain from said action. They’ll look at me, make eye contact and keep right on doing what their doing. I’ll ask them to put listening ears on to which the reply is, “I left them (insert anywhere we’ve been in the past two days).” I’ll say, “That’s ok they have wings we just need to tell them to come back.” Occasionally this works, more often than not I get the response, “No they don’t.” Irritation.

LAL started sleeping through the night at about 13 weeks or so, fabulous, right? Totally. But I think I’d rather have had more infant sleepless nights than toddler. We should probably put a revolving door on our bedroom because there is always someone coming in to try and sneak into our bed, go to the bathroom, need to be snuggled (tucked in) or turn the moon on. I expected not to sleep when they were babies but this is throwing me for a loop. I want consecutive uninterrupted nights of sleep! Self pity.

Other mothers say, “You’re about to turn the corner, things will get easier.” I don’t know where that corner is but I’d sure like to find it. As it’s said its darkest before dawn, hopefully dawn is around the corner.

4 thoughts on “Darkest Before Dawn

  1. The way I see it, nothing in this world with having comes easy. Parenting would not be nearly as rewarding if it was easy. I can only imagine how tough it must be. I only have twins and a toddler but there are definitely times I feel my hands are full. Good luck to you, and remember there are lots of people who would kill to be in your shoes.

    • You are absolutely correct. Believe me I don’t take them for granted one bit especially because we worked so very hard and long to have them. But this is definitely my reality and I feel that it’s my duty to reflect not only on the wonderful side of motherhood but my struggles as well. Thank you for reading and commenting! Happy Thanksgiving!

  2. Thank you!!! It really puts me at ease knowing that I am not the only mother who has these feelings/thoughts.
    That corner has to be around here someplace, right? (I’m still looking for it with my 4 and a half year old.) : )

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