Darkest Before Dawn

I was talking to one of my fathers-in-law a while back about raising triplets and he ended the conversation by saying, “Kristi, it ain’t easy being easy.” It is so true! People often comment on how easy I make being a mom look, what a wonderful praise. But what I don’t think people realize is that “easy” comes with a good deal of frustration, sadness, irritation, and some self pity.

I’ve said before the age of three has not been the greatest. I’m ready to get into why. Let me preface by saying, I understand the age of three has many facets to it and their little brains are working at warp speed to process all of their emotional, cognitive and social developments. It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that.

I feel like the day after LAL’s third birthday shit hit the fan. Suddenly, most everything is a fight. Simple tasks and requests are met with a resounding no. I’m sure part of it is their way of testing the waters to see how far I will bend before I break. I think they’ve realized they have me outnumbered. Frustration.

Who knows where my patience has gone because I’ve never yelled so much. Even with consciously making an effort not to, I lose my cool. Oh and it doesn’t make a difference if I raise my voice because Lily tells me I shouldn’t be yelling, Audrey laughs and Liam covers his ears and says, “too loud.” None of those reactions get me the desired outcome I’m looking for. Really it just makes me feel badly. I know there’s a better way but it tends to not be available when I need it. Sadness.

Their ears don’t work. There will be times they are doing something they surely know they shouldn’t be so I’ll ask them to refrain from said action. They’ll look at me, make eye contact and keep right on doing what their doing. I’ll ask them to put listening ears on to which the reply is, “I left them (insert anywhere we’ve been in the past two days).” I’ll say, “That’s ok they have wings we just need to tell them to come back.” Occasionally this works, more often than not I get the response, “No they don’t.” Irritation.

LAL started sleeping through the night at about 13 weeks or so, fabulous, right? Totally. But I think I’d rather have had more infant sleepless nights than toddler. We should probably put a revolving door on our bedroom because there is always someone coming in to try and sneak into our bed, go to the bathroom, need to be snuggled (tucked in) or turn the moon on. I expected not to sleep when they were babies but this is throwing me for a loop. I want consecutive uninterrupted nights of sleep! Self pity.

Other mothers say, “You’re about to turn the corner, things will get easier.” I don’t know where that corner is but I’d sure like to find it. As it’s said its darkest before dawn, hopefully dawn is around the corner.

First Broken Heart

As a parent there are many life lessons I know my children will have to learn. I often wonder how they will be taught and when. One moment I’ve always said I’ve dreaded is a broken heart. Mending a broken heart is not fun but it’s something we all go through. Until know I hadn’t considered it happening so young but it has.

From when they were snuggled close in my belly LAL have gotten many special gifts. One gift in particular was given to me by one of my mothers in law ( yes, I am blessed with two) at my baby shower. It was “Bunny.” Bunny is a sweet little stuffed bunny holding a blanket about the size of a chipmunk. Bunny has been with LAL since they each started sleeping in their own cribs around three and a half months old. Lily and Liam quickly became attached to Bunny and would sleep with it every night. Audrey could take it or leave it. Bunny has been with us on all of our travels, soaked up many tears and has always been there when needed. Until last Saturday. We were about to leave my brother in law’s house when an exhausted Lily asked for Bunny. I’m usually on top of Bunny patrol having a good idea where he is or where he’s been left. Not that night. I could not picture where and when I had last seen Bunny. We convinced Lil that Bunny was at home and we’d find him waiting for her. She reluctantly agreed and we were on our way.

We got home and Bunny was not waiting. Audrey was kind enough to let Lily borrow her Bunny for the evening until we could do a proper “Bunny hunt” in the morning. The next morning David searched high and low and still no Bunny. I’ve prayed to St. Anthony, and still no Bunny.

Lily’s heart is broken. Every night she cries because she misses her Bunny and just wants to sleep with her Bunny. I feel terrible. Part of me feels like I’ve failed my little girl. I know there is really no way for me to keep up with everything all the time but I know how special Bunny is. Maybe I should have stuck to my guns when I said, “Bunny doesn’t leave the house.” When she cries I know how badly her heart hurts and all I can do is hug her and tell her I know how she feels. We’ve come up with the story that Clover (the rabbit from Sofia the First) needed Bunny’s help with something so he had to go be a good friend and help. I told Lily that Bunny would not have left if he didn’t think she would be ok, but he knew she would be able to get on without him. If Bunny doesn’t show up by Saturday (please St. Anthony do me a solid) we’re going to get her a new something for her to snuggle.

My Great Ideas

Audrey climbed into bed with me first yesterday morning at 6:30AM, Lily came a few minutes later and Liam after her. That’s not normal. Liam is my early bird, he’s usually climbing on top of me at 6 AM sharp telling me he’s hungry. Anyway since we were all awake I decides we get a head start on our day.

I’m going to Kona, HI on Thursday and there are a few things that need to get done before I leave. Most importantly grocery shopping. I’d also like to put some simple crafts together for LAL and I guess I should pack too. My parents are coming today to watch LAL while I’m away and I’d like to make things as easy as possible for them. Though there are only three items on my list at the moment, completing them with three three year olds hanging around is no easy task. This is where my great idea comes into play.

In an effort to use my time wisely I decided to go grocery shopping before heading to the YMCA. We all thought it was a great idea even LAL were excited to go to Trader Joe’s first. It all started when Audrey wouldn’t get out of the car because she was “putting her fruit away.” See yesterday, in order to get them out of the house, I allowed Audrey and Liam to bring their wooden fruits and vegetables in the car and they/I never took them out. I guess this is why my husband tells me to clean out the car after each use. Once the final piece of fruit was “put away” we made our way into the store. We were on our merry way when we stopped at the sample table. The sample was a strawberry chia smoothie. I enjoyed it, LAL did not hence one of the cups ending up on the floor. As a treat for myself, I grabbed a little sample of coffee. That was a lovely treat until I spilled some of it on Lily. I normally have the pushing one carriage and pulling the other down to a science. Not this morning. With Lily cleaned up, I continued on down the freezer aisle. As I was grabbing some pancakes and waffles, I see my second cart falling…in slow motion…of course. Audrey and Liam were suddenly on the floor. I usually do not put two kids in the back but Audrey asked and I figured there wouldn’t be an issue. I was wrong. They both decided to attempt to grab something at the same time on the same side. And down they went. After a minute of tears they both got back in the carriage, one in the front this time, and we finished up our shopping. There were a couple more spills, some dropped items but nothing major. We paid our bill, I put them in their seats and loaded the bags. Onto the Y!

The Y is basically across the street from Trader Joe’s. I usually get there between 9:00 and 9:15 (the classes I take start at 9:30) in order to get a spot in line, drop LAL off in the playroom, take them to the bathroom and put my sneakers on. It was 9:25 when I got to the playroom. No bueno. I signed them in and everyone had to go to the bathroom, leisurely of course. There is no way to trick three toddlers into going to the bathroom quickly. As I was wiping bums, pulling pants up and washing hands I could hear Ellen’s (the instructor) voice through the wall. Bummer. I was hoping time wasn’t really going as slowly as it seemed. It was actually even slower because when I looked into class the clock said 9:45. The class was jam packed so there was no way for me to even slip into the back. I decided to use the elliptical instead. There’s nothing I dread more than working out on machines. The first one kept stopping after fifteen minutes after the second time I switched. I finished my workout on a different machine the final summary said I went 1.37 miles in 27 minutes. Wrong. The sweat dripping from my body was a good indication that I had not been for a leisurely walk on the elliptical.

I’ve decided to stick with my normal routine going forward. I’ll give my attempt of efficiency a C+. It wasn’t pretty and I didn’t get to workout the way I wanted to but I got it got done.

Twelve

Months in a year, signs in the zodiac, amount in a dozen and most importantly the number of years David and I have been married. We are celebrating our twelfth anniversary. We’re headed out on our date so the elaborate blog I had in my mind will be saved for next year.

Twelve years is a long time. If I had them all to do over again I wouldn’t change a thing, ok well maybe a few things but not my partner. We’ve had ups and downs, good times and bad times and have continued to grow together. We’ve had our share of heartaches and joys but thankfully the joys far outweigh our heartaches. I don’t think I could have picked a better man to marry.

On the eighth day of June in 2001 just about at this time we were exchanging our vows in front of our closest family and friends. Thank you to everyone who has supported us over the past twelve years!!! We look forward to many more years to come.

Patience, Patience Where For Art Thou, Patience?

Usually I’m as cool as a cucumber, not today. Right now I’m about as hot as a jalapeño. I’m not really sure why I’m trying to figure it out. My day started out with a great workout which usually holds me through until the end of the day. Maybe it’s the rain. Maybe it’s because my kids are exhausted but refuse to sleep. Or maybe it’s just me.

My patience bank is in the red, big time. I think, well, I know my kids have realized they win the numbers game. For whatever reason they only realize it when I’m at my wits end. Those smart little devils! Today is one of those days…

I feel bad because David is on his way home from work and I am a cranky puss. Im sure its the last thing he wants to deal with on a Friday afternoon after a long week. I’m hoping by putting it on the screen I’m letting go of the negative energy surrounding me. And hopefully by the time he walks through the door I’ll be a bit more normal. I think it’s working I’m feeling fewer pins and needles throughout my body. Please whatever vibes and patience prayers you can send my way send them stat!!!!!

Differences

It’s 12:30am and I’m sitting outside LALs bedroom door. Audrey has a fever and I’m waiting for the medicine to kick in before I go to bed. As I sit here with time to think, I’m thinking about some of the differences between singletons and multiple birth children.

After Audrey threw up we put her in our bed with us. I was secretly excited. Because we have three children the same age letting them sleep with us wasn’t really an option. There was no way anyone would get quality sleep. My girlfriend, Rachel, at mrblueskye.com writes about co-sleeping with her son, Skye and I think about how amazing it would be to be able to snuggle with my munchkins every night. Now, because we never allowed them to sleep in our bed they don’t last very long in our room. Which, I guess, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After about half an hour she was over it and wanted to get back into her own bed. I do like that they have their own space that they are comfortable and feel safe in.

Another difference goes back to infancy. This is in regards to the amount of time they were in our arms. We held and snuggled them as much as we possibly could while sticking to the schedule. We were very strict about how LAL could be held, which must have stemmed from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). When they were first born at 35 weeks we were not able to rub them. We could only rest out hands on their tiny bodies, rubbing took too much energy from them. They needed all their energy to go towards growing. This also included rocking. Even once we left the NICU we continued the no rocking policy. I think some people thought I was nuts when I would say, “no rocking”! One, I didn’t care what they thought and two, I didn’t want to other people to start a habit that we could not keep up with. There was no way we were throwing rocking babies to sleep into the mix. It’s worked out ok though, my best friend just had a baby and, I swear, I could hold her all day long. Lets face it, sometimes I do and I love every moment of it.

These are just a couple of things that came up for me while I am sitting here. I wholeheartedly know the way we do things is good for our family. And the beauty of life is that, we all do things differently. What works for me might not work for you and that’s ok.

I just checked on my baby girl and her fever has gone down. She is finally cool to the touch. I can now leave my perch and hope that we all sleep soundly for the rest of the night. Sweet dreams.

Words

My plan was to take a quick trip to BJ’s and get home so LAL could play outside for a bit. We’ve been at BJ’S for 45 minutes but have yet to venture inside. They’re all sleeping. So much for a quick trip.

Anyway, a couple of days ago Liam and Audrey both used words that I deem unacceptable. First, Audrey was taking her headband out of hair and said, “Ugh stupid thing”! I was horrified. I’ve been wracking my brain wondering if I use that phrase often. I honestly don’t think I do.

Second, was Liam. I was driving and the person in front of me was driving ridiculously slow. I said out loud, “Ugh why are you driving so slow?” And Liam said, “What did you said mommy?” I repeated myself. His reply was, “You should kill him.” I nearly pulled off the road.

I consciously watch my words as I speak them, knowing my children are listening to them all. I do sometimes speak more freely (when on the phone) if they are in another room. I forget their little brains are hypersensitive to my voice and I’m sure, as long as, we’re in the same house they probably hear what I say.

I also realize that when they are at the YMCA playroom they are probably hearing all sorts of things. Words I can’t control.

In both cases, I told them those words are unacceptable and if I web them again they’ll be in time out. Part of me thinks I should have calmly explained there are certain words that we shouldn’t say because they are hurtful and such. But because they are only three years old. I went with what I thought would get results. I believe right now my munchkins live in extremes. Being in time out is something they don’t enjoy. And since the time out threat, the word haven’t come back, at least not in my presence. How do you handle unacceptable language in your home?

My Letter of Gratitude

Here we are two weeks post marathon Monday. When I think about what I had wanted this message to say and what I will actually type I am still baffled. I had expected to be typing this the night of the marathon, full of exhaustion and excitement and a photo of me with my second Boston Marathon medal, as well as my finishing time. Needless to say, that didn’t work out. So here I am two weeks later and feeling like I am of sound mind to express my gratitude and tell my story. Here it goes:

I was running with my “sole”sister Melissa. I met Melissa at our first Tedy’s Team training run in November of 2011, since that first run we have run a ridiculous number of miles side by side. Running a marathon is hard work, mentally and physically. There are some things that make it a bit easier, like the crowds screaming your name and telling you look strong. There are people that are kind enough to handout, what I call, little pieces of heaven (wrapped twizzlers and jolly ranchers). Some people make witty signs that I couldn’t help but giggle at. Those are a couple of examples from strangers along the course. We know once we get to mile 20 our coach John will be waiting for us with words of encouragement and anything else we need. If you know the course, mile 20 is Heartbreak Hill, a welcome moment on the course to see someone I know and knows exactly what I’m going through. Seeing John gave me the push I needed to get to 21, where I knew I would see David, my parents, my cousin and Melissa’s family. Seeing them was a great moment, lots of hugs, lots of smiles, lots of support. I needed it. My quads were shot, my hamstrings weren’t far behind and we only had 5.2 miles to go. We looked at each other and said let’s get this done. Off we went.

Around mile 23 there was a woman standing in the middle of the road speaking to a marathon volunteer ( this is an assumption, he was in a yellow marathon jacket) she was saying something about the finish line and to stop runners. Melissa and I were both trying to figure out what she was talking about but quickly let it go. We had business to take care of. Then we saw someone running with a friend of his, the friend was in fatigues but no pack. We heard him say something about the finish line and explosion but they were running faster than us so we didn’t get the whole story. Again, we had business to take care of, we kept running. Next we saw a teammate of ours and she told us to stop running because the course was closed. We still didn’t understand what was happening so we kept running. This was the Boston Marathon, we could not just “stop running.” Well apparently we could, and we did. The next few bits are a bit foggy and I will probably tell them out of order but I know you will understand.

We were stopped dead in our tracks. There were runners all around us not really knowing what to do, including ourselves. Within a few minutes we had seen a former teammate of ours and some current members. Because of that we had a good idea where people were. I have known no worse feeling than not knowing if my husband, parents and cousin (whom I’ve been trying to get to visit me for 10 plus years) were harmed. I was able to get in touch with David via text so he knew I was ok and I knew he and my family were safe. Thankfully, I run with my phone on airplane mode so I had a decent amount of battery left. I got one phonecall off to my dearest Heather before they jammed the signals. Then communication was solely via text. Melissa’s boyfriend James and his family are members of the Harvard Club. As the universe would have it, we were stopped about five doors from there. We let our teammates know that’s where we were headed and to meet there, if needed. After a failed first attempt to enter Melissa, Liza and I walked right in without issue. They had sheets on the front counter which helped to regulate our body temperatures slightly. Someone there for a meeting or something told us there was food on the next floor and to help ourselves. A family visiting from out of town, kindly went to their car and got us food and something to drink, as well. Angels. Our teammate, Renee’s husband Jeremiah had met up with her on the course and were with us in the Harvard Club, another angel. Without him I’m not sure what we would have done. He had his wits about him and was as cool as a cucumber in another wise chaotic situation. He got in touch with James and coordinated our pick up on Storrow Drive. We retrieved my car fron Newton and Jeremiah drove us home. Simultaneously, David’s coworker had picked him and my family up in the South End and drove them back to the South Shore. Someone asked me this morning how long it took to get home. I had not thought about it. I have know idea. All I know is when I had my son in my arms, crying into his hair it was still light out. Seeing David, LAL, my mom and dad, CC, Randi, and Adele was such a beautiful sight.

I still don’t understand why anyone would want to turn such a wonderful day of triumph and accomplishment into such tragedy. I’m sure I never will.

I am thankful to everyone that has supported me in taking on this challenge. But there are a few people I have to send a special thank you to. My dearest Heather and dearest Randi, there aren’t enough words out there for you two, I love you! My “sole” sister Melissa, who knew getting lost would lost on a run would turn into such a beautiful friendship. My sweet Toni, I am eternally grateful, thank you for expecting me and dancing me back into the light. And the love of my life, David, you deal with an awful lot during training season, I am blessed to have you, thank you for being my rock! XOXO

New Year, New You (Well Me)?

Happy New Year! It’s 2013, I can’t believe it. I haven’t blogged since I landed in Kansas City back in November. Once we got home life happened, holidays happened and my triplet life was happening. It’s good to be back. My children will be three next month. Six days after their birthday I’ll be 36. I’ve survived. We’ve survived. Everywhere I look, I feel like, I see some type of advertisement for “New Year, New You.” And it’s got me thinking.

When I was pregnant, David and I took a parenting multiples course to prepare us for, well, parenting multiples. It didn’t. It scared the heck out of us, to be honest. The first bullet point on the handout was, “Parents of multiples are 50% more likely to get divorced than that of singletons.” That’s a great way to start a class, as if we weren’t scared sh*tless to begin with. The instructor then proceeded to go through some of her experiences as a mother of twins and would look at David and I and say, “Yeah that will be three times for you guys.” She talked about how, essentially, there wouldn’t be enough hours in a day to diaper, feed, and raise multiples. I tell people it was the worst class we could have taken but looking back maybe it helped us. Maybe just maybe, she was going for the whole reverse psychology thing. I’m actually just realizing this as I’m typing, I think that was her plan. It was her challenge to us as parents to not become a statistic.

35 weeks in utero and just about three years postpartum, we are not her opening statistic. We’re actually doing this parenting thing pretty well. So far we have risen to the occasion, it has not always been easy, it has not always been fun but it has always been rewarding. When I hear my kids say please and thank you, without me prompting them, I know we’re doing something right. When one of my kids is crying and the other two come to make sure everything is ok, I know we’re doing something right. When my kids show others how much they love them, I know we’re doing something right. We are constantly in motion, figuring out what works and what doesn’t work. Our family is a “work in progress”, ever changing to fit the needs of our lives.

New year, new you (well me)? I think it’s more like “new day, new me and new day same me.” Does that make sense? I can’t wait until January first of every year to try and reinvent myself. It has to be an ongoing process. Some things stay the same and some change.

Halloween Fun

Halloween 2012 was a success. In true Kristi fashion, I was up late on Cabbage Night putting the finishing touches on LAL’s costumes. As was pinning painting and hot glue gunning, I thought to myself, “why on earth do I do this to myself?” As much as I like to think I can plan things out and get them done with time to spare, it’s just not the reality. I think I work better under pressure. Cutting it close gives me less time to second guess myself, I guess. I started their costumes a few weeks ago and kept them under lock and key until Halloween morning. They knew what the were each going to be but I wanted them to be surprised by the costume itself. They were! When they came downstairs and saw them laid out on the couch they couldn’t wait to put them on! Here they are, Lily as Zoe

Audrey as Abby Cadabby

And Liam as Elmo

They loved their costumes which made it all the doubts in my mind vanish instantly!

Halloween night was great fun. We went to my sister-in-laws house in Charlestown. At first, I was worried they would be nervous with all the kids and people trick or treating. Once they got the hang of it and realized people were giving them candy they had a ball!! They loved looking at the costumes. I purposely gave them small bags to trick or treat with so I wouldn’t have to deal with a ton of candy. My plan originally was to give them each a piece of candy for the number of years alive. So they would each get two pieces. Yeah that went out the window! I did keep it in check though, they each had about four pieces before I stuck to my guns and said no. They were off the wall!!! It was a cute kind of crazy but not one I want to see regularly. I took the candy and hid it. They each got one piece last night and the rest is going to be trashed. Hopefully they’ve forgotten about it 🙂